England has what I like to call ‘talented beggars’. A selection of musicians, vocalists and poets can be found on random corners and subway tunnels throughout the country. It’s almost as though they silently know that even a beggar must provide a service. I remember a particular time that the English government became annoyed at [...]
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Once you have been to ‘one’ Nigerian party in your life it is safe to say that you will always know the menu. It is an unwritten rule that you can be as exotic as you like, but if your party lacks certain fundamental items, it really isn’t a party. There ‘must’ be Jollof rice, [...]
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If you are what you eat, then Nigerians are spicy, heavy and cheap. You can only stand in awe and watch as a Nigerian man unbuckles his belt, ready to engage in a battle between 4 wraps of eba, 2 pieces of meat in an exotic stew, and a 1 litre bottle of ice cold water. [...]
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This romance story doesn’t begin with cinema trips and long walks. It begins with a journey to ‘Sweet Sensation’. Nigeria has to be the only place in the world where a fast food outlet carries the same passionate atmosphere as a 5 star restaurant. Public displays of affection are likely to attract a small gathering [...]
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“Why did the chicken cross the road?” Nigerians never ask this question because their chickens do more than just cross roads. They explore, navigate and on occasion they have been known to redirect traffic. Picture an average road in Nigeria. You are likely to see large notices along several walls with the words ‘DO NOT URINATE HERE’, [...]
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The fact that Nigeria is one of the hottest countries on earth offers no hindrance to their adventurous fashion sense. Huge attires are a reflection of the loud personalities Nigerians possess, with every occasion being a convenient excuse to display a range of vibrant colours and embroidered material. Women’s outfits double as weapons, as ferociously [...]
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There is no business like Nigerian business. If there is any culture in the world that I don’t want to get into business with, it has to be Nigerians. I’m not talking about Nigerians who have a “European mind set”, i’m talking about “Nigerian Nigerians” who run businesses in a way that can only be [...]
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The English come in blonde, brunette, and occasionally ginger. All kinds of textures and colourful variations of hair can be seen dangling from numerous heads. The level of care and attention is apparent from a distance, as it blows in the wind yet falls effortlessly back into place. The English certainly know their hair. Each [...]
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“The big black sweet, wey get white line; na Tom Tom! Na him be Tom Tom! The sweet wey get menthol wey dey clear throat nko o? Na Tom Tom! Na him be Tom Tom! The sweet wey dey coole for body as you dey lick am o! Na Tom Tom! Na him be Tom [...]
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Every Nigerian film is a comedy. The title, story line or genre is entirely irrelevant; take my word for it, it’s always a comedy. Nigerians take the word ‘acting’ so literally, that this is exactly what they do, ‘act’. The phrase ‘acting natural’ can never be fully explained until you see a Nigerian movie first [...]
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